so many people talk about the big picture, not getting caught up with the trivial details of life and how to live it. there was this article on yahoo today that pretty much said the same thing - it went along the lines of 'people would get better results if they focused on the reasons why they did something, rather than planning on how to do / not do it'.

but then, once one focuses on the reasons for the action, surely they will have to take concrete actionable steps to reach that goal?

i guess i just feel overwhelmed lots of times - never having enough time to read and replenish my knowledge base; rarely having enough rest; and even when i get rest there's always the next work project / family stuff / event to plan. at the same time, when i try dropping these and just stop doing things, i get the feeling that time is slipping away.

i also guess that's why i get hung up about money at times, and how at other times i just go heck-it-all and splurge. the thought crossed my mind that work and business really is a battlefield - for the 'losers', those that take time out to care for their families - the thought crossed my mind that there are so many people out there forced to take care of their invalid loved ones - they'll never find the time to earn more, or replenish themselves, simply because they're so caught up in the little day to day details on how to survive, always worrying that the next day will see them careening into disaster - yet having no way to escape this terrible spiral of despair.

seems melodramatic but that's the sort of stuff that gets me all worried... not to say that i've figured out a way to erase these worries.

there's so many times i just want to quit without a job - but i constantly think i'm pretty fortunate to be where i am today, and after months and months of thinking etc i really do sort of realise that i'm like a car wedged between two others front and back of me in a carpark. if i had no liabilities nor cares in this world perhaps i would, but that sword of damocles hangs over my head, not to mention its far easier to think of worst case scenarios without a stream of income coming in. talk about being addicted to a paycheck.

those days back in university where i saw so much possibility, look hazier and hazier.