i should be sleeping now, but have been busy dealing with all the miscellaneous bits associated with a graduation ceremony. yes, as most of you already know, i officially graduate tomorrow. i don't really care who's going to give me the scroll (and it's empty anyway), but i'm dressing up and making sure i don't look silly when i take photos with my friends and family. so i've been laying out my more formal clothes (sucking in my stomach as i wear my somewhat opaque white shirt), dumping a few safety pins (actually all i could find) in my gown bag, buying new batteries, setting the camera to its correct setting, running mentally - and on paper - who i should meet tomorrow (and the next few days) for photo-taking.

we should be thankful i think - i saw the graduation book and far more people did not get an upper, as i previously thought. nonetheless, the proportion of uppers for this batch outweighs those of previous batches... so, some thanks there is in order i think, although i haven't figure out to whom it should be accrued.

i've not loved every bit and way of the journey to this point - i can remember some incidents where i was upset with the system, people in general, and so on - but they seem somewhat a distant memory now. it'll be happy faces and smiles tomorrow. i guess the memories, the physical imprint of the sad and unhappy events, remain in the brain, but the emotional resonance they used to carry have been washed away. perhaps a major regret i should have is that none of my ex-s / girlfriends will be attending tomorrow, but again, it's simply a somewhat slight feeling of oddness, rather than profound sadness.

the sadness will come after the photos are taken, the mortar boards thrown, the hall left empty except for the streamers and remnants of balloons. we all say we'll keep in contact. i hope it's true.