The language is leaving me

I feel like I'm living in a half-world. I used to do this exercise, where I'll just sit down where I was and concentrate really hard on whatever object was at a distance in front of me, then and i'll just sit there and focus focus focus on the object... again and again, turning the scene around and around inside my head, until the realization that here I was, and nothing could take that fact away from me, would run home. And it was a scary thought, that not only did I exist, but that moment of realization had passed me by, and one more moment of time was gone. Forever.

It's helped kept me terrifyingly grounded to the present. Lately it's becoming more and more difficult to do this... in fact it's been more difficult to even think of doing it. In the past two, three years, it seems that I've been increasingly living from moment to moment... colours blurred... scenes seen but not appreciated. I find it difficult to remember what I did the day before, the week before, not to mention one month back. My friends on the other hand, banter about stuff we did previously, right down to the exact month we did it - I can't. It's hard to describe what it's like, because I've come to another awful conclusion these past few months: I can't string together a proper sentence during conversation anymore. And slowly, my journal has become increasingly filled with others' words and songs...